It's 6:00am in the morning and as I sit here pondering and writing this new blog (it has been a while) I am contemplating my future movements / plans in 2012. A lot of milestones have occurred since the last time I wrote: the birth of my beautiful daughter, Tallis; the growth of my company ALFONSO TODD AND ASSOCIATES / PROLIFICK MEDIA; and the influx of credibility / clientele for my internet radio station PROLIFICK / www.prolifick.com .
I have worked hard to obtain a reputation of being a professional and credible business man. It took years for me to create "something out of nothing" and to make that "nothing" valuable to the public. It often, seems surreal that my life has taken "the turn" that it has, yet, I can appreciate all that is now available to me even though, at times, I feel I am unworthy.
Unfortunately, I, also, feel like I have slacked off a bit in 2011. Yes, I have a daughter and I enjoy her moments of happiness, sadness, discovery, and growth; in fact, it is because of her, I now KNOW what I must do in the near future in order to continue on this journey we call Life.
It's hard to describe my emotional, physical, and spiritual state at the moment. I am unsure if it is because I have a birthday coming up in 2 days, the growth of my company/clientele is occurring faster than I expected, or maybe it's just me second guessing my thoughts, either way, I find myself looking in the mirror and asking, "What happened to Alfonso Todd?" Now, I am not saying this to be funny or quirky, but I am, definitely, going through some changes that I like and don't like when it comes to me, myself, and I. Let me see if I can explain:
FIRST: My "fire" seems to be waning. Years ago, when I moved to the Lehigh Valley from Miami, FL, I was a "hustler" and a "new jack" that blogged and stood up for those who were in need no matter what! I, was actually, called an "activist" and "innovator". Today, I, quietly, do my business, create projects, write CD reviews, and have meetings in the comfort of my office. (Say it ain't so, Joe!) I am unsure if I am just older or what, but this definitely has to stop! It has taken me a year to get my "bearings" back together, but this morning is proof that these "older" bones can still rise in the early morning and enjoy the peace/tranquility of silence.
SECOND: My "get up and go has got up and went". Physically, I feel okay but I have noticed certain aches and pains whenever I walk down or up stairs. (These are the old "war wounds" from a life of dance and constant walking.) Believe it or not, these ailments don't bother me, though. I am more nervous about the mindset which has me reasoning about physically moving less and less. I used to go out almost every night in Miami and dance until 5:00 am, now I am regulated to one night a week and even then, sometimes I don't "feel" like it. (Yeah, I see those FACEBOOK posts talking about clubs and maturity and family, and I, ALSO, see those FACEBOOK men and women who are but shadows of their former selves.) Weight gain, apathetic attitudes, reminiscing about the "good old days", and saying their families are why they changed; (They don't look or sound too happy to me.) I am a believer that family should enhance your life, not be the reason you stop living it. You are now a mother/father, NOT dead. If you don't take time for self (ME time), then it's your fault for looking and feeling the way you do. I am, currently, "making moves" to truly start my 5:00 am exercise regime, in addition,to my weekly club night so that I can lose this 10 or 20 pounds that has snuck up on me. I, not only, need to take this time for myself to create a better/healthier lifestyle, but, also, for my daughter. I want to be a part of her future: kindergarten - high school - college graduation, wedding, grandchildren, etc; and I can't do that if I am six feet under due to high blood pressure and hyper tension.
THIRD: My "WORK FLOW has gone to SLO MO". I have to admit that when you reach a certain amount of success, you tend to want to sit back and just look over the horizon at all that you have accomplished, but in reality, I haven't accomplished a damn thing. Yes, I have a better caliber of paying clients but, clientele comes and goes; there are no guarantees. Unfortunately, I have started keeping "bankers hours" and I can tell because my goals/projects have been a "little light". Yes, I KNOW I have a daughter now and she needs my time and she will STILL get it. I will have to just organize my work/life schedule more; because in reality, if I want to leave her with the legacy she deserves I should actually be working harder AND smarter. I am now starting to branch / reach out more, because I know I can't do it all by myself. I have still am, somewhat, hesitant about accepting assistance, but I am getting better. The reality is if I want continued growth and PROFITS, I will need to let go of some of the reins and learn to trust others.
So, I guess ALFONSO TODD is still in there somewhere, along with J. BLACK, (my alter ego, but THAT'S another story) and all he wants to do is get back to where he used to be, mentally, physically and spiritually. He is not as carefree as he once was, but maybe that's a good thing. I am unsure what the future may bring, but I know LIFE is STILL an adventure and I plan to continue exploring the possibilities....
CARPE DIEM
